Reasons why I'm better than Edward and Jacob

1. I went to college.
2. I have a job.
3. I'm normal body temperature.

4. I don't pick a mate based on scent (alone). bella has a shitty personality and guys keep telling her she's special. she thinks shes weird. bitch, go to college and learn a skill.

ps. hey bella! remember when you had to hurt your father by saying he was bad t rising you?  so that he wouldn't follow you and thus would be safe from that vampire? you could have just told him you were sleeping over a friend's house or something. idiot. leve it to  jock an old guy to prey on a teenager who is  little bit special.

edward is a scumbag because he chooses to still go to high school even though he's 100. there is no good reason that he has to go! also, you can't just show up to high school. he put effort into making fake documents so that he could hang around teenagers every day. pedophile. he couldn't pull off being a college student just once?

5. I don't hang out with guys who fuck up their finance's faces. I'm looking at you jacob. Sure it was an accident.
6. i wont kill myself if i think you're dead. I'd go to the funeral. you're 100 years old edward. time to stop being a dramatic teenager.
7. I'm smart enough not to my sister who thinks shes right about everything. "i can tell the future as long as people don't change their minds" thats everybody alice.
8. I finished puberty.
9. I am confident in my self control.
10. I'm not  liar.

 ps. guys never lie to you when they say they "don't want to be with you" (to protect you or otherwise). they lie when they say they "do want to be with you" and really just want to sleep with you.

 hey jacob and edward! maybe the two of you should stop walking around with such confidence and act like you know what's best all the time. you never know what the hell is going on.

*i also don't have performance anxiety about sex like edward. "i want to marry you first so it wont matter how bad i am!"

OkCupid Profile of "fuck_the_redsox". She describes herself as "reddit famous". lets make it so.

21/f

My self-summary

[Update 9/26/2011 7:21 PM: THANK YOU FOR THE BOOTS. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.]

[Update, 9/17/2011 12:33 PM: I have an Amazon wishlist. Hint... hint...

https://www.amazon.com/wishlist/2S34OF9G13YKZ]

*Let me first say: sports are for the lowest and stupidest among us. If you like sports you are basically screaming, "I am a closet homosexual who sublimates my desire for a big black football player's cock by learning their statistics. I am probably also fat."

If you are a Red Sox fan specifically, please feel free to go choke on some hotdog and I hope your crappy house in Brockton or Lowell or whatever godforsaken townie hell you live in gets foreclosed on.*

[Update, 9/8/2011 1:2 PM: The boring macho thing doesn't work with me. Neither does the beta male thing. Figure it out.]

I'm Reddit-famous.

Okay!

What I’m doing with my life

My grandpa was kind enough to leave me with a nest egg after he died, and so I am exploring my artistic side for now. I eat sushi, drink wine, hit the gym, read constantly, internet, go camping, and love both being affectionate and receiving affection.

I’m really good at

I'm amazing with my hands. Use your imagination. I can kiss your neck in a way that will give you goosebumps. I can whisper things in your ear that will do the same.

My guitar skillz would make Satriani lose his chubby.

The first things people usually notice about me

Um, my face. I don't know. Ask them.

The six things I could never do without

food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, excretion. It's not a cop-out.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

What I believe and how to best express it. Also, really nerdy stuff. Clever plays on words. Boring object and ego fetishization. Anesthetization.

The ridiculous ways men try to stick their dicks into things and the lengths they will go to/the excuses they will make to make it happen.

On a typical Friday night I am

Getting the fuck down at a dance night, getting the fucked up at a private party, walking around the city with some old soul or another, running into strangers and sharing my flask. Fucking the po-lice.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I feel like it's *your* job to impress *me*.

also, I fantasize about Frank Zappa.

also, in case you missed it: I have a wishlist.

https://www.amazon.com/wishlist/2S34OF9G13YKZ

Buy me stuff. you won't regret it.

I’m looking for

• Guys and girls who like bi girls
• Ages 20-36
• Near me
• For new friends, activity partners

You should message me if

- You've just bought me something lovely off my wishlist and you'd like your reward.

- You think you can hang. I have really high standards, so: good luck. You'll need it.

- You're not going to proffer some variation of "what's up". Unless you want to get chided for lack of effort and have me propose obnoxious and offensive edits to your profile.

- You're not all hung up on "family". Get off the apron-strings, manchild.

• • 
    
    Oct 5, 2011 – 12:31am
    

    what happens if a guy buys you something?

    23% Enemy77% Friend37% MatchSent to fuck_the_redsox
  • 
    Oct 5, 2011 – 8:22am
    

    you'll just have to find out.
  
  Oct 5, 2011 – 3:14pm
  

  I'd rather tell you that you're everything i could hate in a girl. i wouldn't buy you anthing. i work two jobs just to pay bills and have a social life on the side.
  
  Go explore your artistic side in that house you don't pay rent, and think sports fans are ignorant for admiring things you don't. I'm not a big sports fan, but i admire the work ethic of a good athlete much more than some entitled bitch who cock teases guys over the internet to buy her shit. 

  I did grow up playing sports. The purpose of them, the reason why schools keep a budget for them, is because sports teach life skills to help build character(teamwork, achievement, failure, respect for others etc.). maybe if you played a sport growing up, you wouldn't be a complete asshole slut who mooches off of others.
  
  you can arouse a guy by wispering in his ear and kissing his neck? you're "good with your hands"? big deal. we also get hard when we wake up and have to pee. guys can cum while jerking off alone in their rooms with their eyes closed. (and probably a lot faster than if you were sucking on their dicks.)
  
  You're a whore,
  
  Chase

  23% Enemy77% Friend37% MatchSent to fuck_the_redsox
• 
  Oct 5, 2011 – 3:24pm
  

  I know you can't do anything about your looks but why are you so greasy?
  
  what a sad sack of shit. enjoy your pathetic excuse for a life.
  
  
  

  Report this
• 
  Oct 5, 2011 – 3:44pm
  

  you've fucked worse.
• 
  Oct 5, 2011 – 3:46pm
  

  lulz. later, fag.

So she didn't play sports or compete on the debate team either.

More Online Dating: not my proudest moment.

• 
  Jun 25, 2011 – 10:29pm

  wait, are you serious about no sex until marriage? how's that for a non-one-liner? im drunk on a tuesday but we should chat right now because you're also online at 1:30 in the morning and you are pretty. im hilarious. lets chat.

  Sent to mkd1234
• 
  Jun 26, 2011 – 7:25am

  I almost never respond to people on here; but your message was just so moronic that I feel compelled to message you simply to tell you that you are a complete idiot. This is highly insulting that you would dare aim a message like this in my general direction. There is a reason you are still single. Take a look at yourself, you drunk dumb-ass. Go back to your usual pathetic sluts and don't even so much as look at my profile again.

  Report this
• 
  Jun 26, 2011 – 10:21am

  you mean so you don't want to get a cup of coffee? I just broke up with my girlfriend for 7 months and shes moving to a 3rd world country to teach English to poor people after she just graduated top of her class at Brandeis. shes a usual slut.
  
  I think you're single because you're a tight ass.
  
  "My Catholic faith is extremely important to me, and I'm constantly striving to become a better person and grow closer to God. " -what you said to me wasn't very Christian. turn the other cheek. preferably to one on your ass for me.
  
  i hope you have great time having dates with guys that are pretending to care about how you love labradors and bargain shopping. tell them more about your ping-pong skills.
  
  you should put out. take your pussy off its high pedestal.
  
  "*Most people back home knew me for always having a large SONIC Diet Coke in my hand!"
  -yeah, they weren't going to know you for being fun and interesting.
  
  I've known for many years that I was meant to bring people happiness through music--in whatever way possible.
  - wow, you really think you're god's gift to the world. have fun wearing a purity ring and marying jonas brother.
  
  chase