Homeless Adventures

The other day I saw man peeing on the sidewalk. Facing traffic. That's bold. A lot of guys can brag about peeing on a police car. But what about one that’s still moving?

It got me thinking about a few other encounters I have had with homeless people.

When I was 19, I went to Montreal with a few close friends. The whole weekend revolved around drinking and passing out. As we walked down St. Catherine's street we came across a homeless man drinking a 40oz on the stoop of a church. My buddy Steve was so drunk that he didn't realize the poor guy was homeless. He just thought he was a guy bringing the party outdoors, and at the time, he thought that that was bad-ass. He got in the guy's face and said, "Yeah man! You're livin' the fuckin' DREEEAM!!!"
 Awful.

Another time, I was walking through an intersection in Boston, and I saw a non-homeless (homeful?) man with a foot-long beard. That says a lot  about someone. It's a lot of time devoted (or neglected) to looking so crazy. This man was dancing in the middle of Mass Ave and Boylston. He was holding a crucifix in each hand. As he danced he shook the crucifixes merrily at the cars passing by. He was wearing a clean, matching, all black outfit. He was making a big scene. Next to me was a homeless man with a shopping cart. He turned to me and said, "Shiiiit! And they call the homeless people crazy!" You said it man.

Once, after I gave a man a quarter, and he asked me if I wanted to join his 'Runaways' cover band. Cha-cha-cha-cha Cherry bomb!

"Walk for Cancer" Guy: This is a guy who hangs out on Newbury Street and says, "Hey man, walk for cancer, walk for cancer, walk for cancer. Hey man, shake my hand. Aw you must be one of the good white people. You don't hate black people, do you? Let me just get your credit card information? No? What? You hate black people!? This motherfucker right here hates black people!"

Creepy "Bi-curious" Hipster

I would first like to apologize to my readers for not updating recently. I wanted to keep cranking out what i think to be quality posts. After a while of writers block, i was suddenly hit by some inspiration in the form of stranger approaching me at the Stetson East dining hall at Northeastern University.

For the record, I'm not making fun of gay people. I'm making fun of this guy...

Daniel, a freshman at Boston Conservatory School of Music, came over to me as I sat alone, watched the UConn Basketball game, and enjoyed my turkey sandwich. He sat uncomfortably close considering how many open seats there were at the time. i was a little annoyed but i did my best to ignore him. Then he stood up, reached into his, over-the-shoulder book bag, and said "Woah!" Then he glanced at me and saw my puzzled face brought on by the slight outburst. He apologized, "Sorry. I just had way more condoms in here than I thought." I ignored him. "...I'm about to try gay sex for the first time tonight. I've got the alochol and everything. I dont think i can go through with it sober."

"....What?" I stuck around for the material. He had shaggy brown hair and a dirty looking beard. He also had yellowish-brown neglected-looking teeth. Given the topic of conversation he started with me, he seemed less like a practical joker and more like a red flag kind of guy. I asked "So what sprung this curiosity?" He had a, "Hey girls! Don’t leave your drink lying around!" kind of look about him. Also, because of the "I'm about to try gay sex for the first time tonight" comment, he had a "Hey guys, don’t leave your drink lying around either…" vibe going on too.

He said, "Well I’ve already plenty of sex with women. Where do you go from there?"

"Well if you're straight, more sex with women..." Yeah, I'm sure this creepo gets laid constantly :/. I assumed the opposite. i thought maybe he was going prison gay because perhaps consentual sex with women may not have been going so well.

"I'm straight, I’m just a little..."

"Prison gay? Bi-curious?"

"Yeah, that’s it. Bi-curious."

I'll skip the dialogue to give you an overview. He told me many TMI's, some too gross to post. One of which was how on Monday he accidently slipped it into a girl's butt and decided he liked it. Just as he said, "Then I accidently slipped it in her ass. I was wondering why it got tighter!" a girl from the table behind him reached for the chair next to him. She asked "Can we borrow this?" Then she retracted to find a chair elsewhere. I recognized her from one of my classes. Sweet...

I asked i I could write about him and he was like, "Yeah sure...?" looking at me like I was the the odd one in this situation. He told me his name was Daniel. I gave him my blog address. I told him to check it out. As I left, he offered me some of his condoms, which he tried to hand me in a huge wad. I declined.