Memories: NU Police Told my Mom I Killed Myself

 vs.

Let’s set the stage. It was the day of the Red Sox Parade, November 2007. It was a Monday and Halloween was over the weekend. I obviously went to the parade, but I was sick so I didn't drink(Good thing). Afterwards, I went to hang out with my friends in the honors dorms. Thats when I got a phone call from NU Police. "Hello?"

"Hello. Yes. Is this Michael Chase?"
"Yes, This is he."
"You like to go by Alex. Is that right?
"Ah, yeah..."
"Tell me. Where are you right now?
"Um' I'm in West Village F. Why?" 
"Listen. We’d like to talk with you. Your family is very concerned."
"...Why?"
"Please, just meet us outside the building."

Puzzled, I told my friends that I had to go talk to the cops. Then I started to exit the building. As I left, my sister Katherine called me crying."Alex! What's going on!"

"I don’t know! What is going on! "Then my shitty reception cut out. As I walked out of the building three cop cars converged on me at once. Two campus officers approached me and started asking me how I’ve been feeling lately. I was like, "Fine...?" Then we sat down on a bench outside the residence hall. It was four cops and me on the bench. A crowd was forming around the three cars to see what was happening.
Then, one of cops said said, "Look, your girlfriend Tracy told us everything."
"I don't have a girlfriend...?" Then there was a silence and I started to worry. I was so black out drunk on Halloween that I peed on my own television set! And I know I wouldn't harm anyone when I'm drunk. I never have. But I thought, what if there was some terrible misunderstanding?  I sure as hell wouldn't be able to give my side of the story. "Look, I don't know what that girl told you, but I don’t know what the FUCK is going on right now!"

That’s when they explained to me that Tracy was my high school sweetheart from Rhode Island. I also recently insinuated to her via a Facebook massage that I was going to kill myself.
"Dude, I'm from Westford not Rhode Island, and I never went out with a girl named Tracy..."

That's when the light bulb hit the cops followed by an, "Oh shit!"
"It’s the wrong guy." said another.
"But what about the medicine all over the place in his room?!" said another.
"I have cold dude! It was Dayquil and Tylenol! Wait you broke into my room?"

They had to leave in a hurry to find the right guy, but right before they left one of the officers said, "Son, you should call your mother immediately!"

Turned out there was a guy in my dorm three doors down from me with "Chase" as a first name. He had a very dramatic girlfriend who was still in high school. When the cops asked about "Chase" someone assumed it was me. (Cracker-jack police work.)

Oh yeah! Also, "first-name-Chase" wasn't so much trying killing himself as he was trying to break up with Tracy.

I don’t know exactly what happened with other Chase, but I do know that my mom and dad were a little upset. Their son, in their minds, had been dead for a good 20 minutes at one point.