Some People Don't Appreciate Constructive Criticism

So I tried online dating recently on OkCupid. It's the largest free online dating site right now. I went on some dates  and had a good time, but nothing was more fun than reading some profiles by crazy people... and writing to them....

By far my favorite profile....





dollpartzz

19 / F / Straight / Seeing someone
Boston, Massachusetts

My self-summary

Puta, por favor.

I'm Erica. I go to school in Boston, and otherwise, live in the slightly less compelling, Connecticut.

Studying abroad in the Netherlands next semester. You're jealous.

Be forewarned, I'm a grammar Nazi.
English, motherfucker, do you speak it?

What I’m doing with my life

trying to become the modern day Elizabeth Báthory.

 

I’m really good at

kicking life in the ass.

The first things people usually notice about me

I'd like to say my eyes. But, then again, I do have a Kardashian ass.

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My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Authors: Eggers, Sedaris, Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Joyce, Thompson.

Movies: Everything by Gus Van Sant, Terry Gilliam, Christopher Nolan, and Wes Anderson. If you can appreciate the true genius of The Room then we are soulmates.

TV Shows: True Blood, Glee, Skins, Misfits, Generation Kill, Summer Heights High, Harper's Island, Freaks and Geeks, Extras. I tend to gravitate toward canceled shows. Weird.

Music: http://www.last.fm/user/spandexgypsy

Food: Chimichanga + a bottle of tequila = good.
Mexican food is my religion.

 

The six things I could never do without

1. Coffee
2. Coffee
3. Friends
4. Burritos
5. Nutella
6. Coffee

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I spend a lot of time thinking about

Robert Downey Jr.
He gives me a massive girl boner.

On a typical Friday night I am

acting like such a fucking lady.

 

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I would give up dick for the rest of my life if it meant I could be with Amanda Seyfried.

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I’m looking for

• Guys who like girls
• Ages 18-23
• Located anywhere
• Who are single
• For new friends

You should message me if

Don't. Just don't.

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I Wrote her!

(No subject)

Nov. 23, 2010 – 2:07pm

Dear Grammar Nazi,
Our profiles are a 90% match so you come up on my search a fair amount. I've taken it upon myself to correct  some of your own grammar in your profile.

Your first error isn't really in grammar, but you made a poor choice of words.
The word "compelling" or "to compel" means "to drive together" or "to urge strongly". You should have said something like "I go to school in Boston, but when I'm not in school, I live in Connecticut. It is a slightly less compelling place to live". This sentence is much clearer to the reader. A word such as "desirable" instead of "compelling"  would be even better.

Next you say:
(This is my favorite part)

Be forewarned, I'm a grammar Nazi. < the comma should be a period.
English, motherfucker, do you speak it? < The comma after English shouldn't be there.

It should read:

Be forewarned. I'm a grammar Nazi.
Do you speak English Motherfucker?

Maybe you should reconsider being a Nazi of any kind. They're dicks. Maybe I misunderstood what you meant by grammar Nazi. Maybe you were only referring to the spoken word. Or maybe you were hoping to someday exterminate 6 million rules of English grammar in order to purify the language in a way you deem superior. Maybe you're dumb. Maybe you're a grammar Nazi hypocrite much like Hitler was a hypocrite. He wasn't of Aryan decent don't ya' know. Oops. I meant to say, "Did you know Hitler wasn't of Aryan decent?" That’s better mien Fuhrer.

I had fun doing this,
Chase

8% Enemy 80% Friend 90% Match Sent to dollpartzz

  Nov. 23, 2010 – 4:05pm

You should've put your wasted efforts toward someone who actually cares.

I have no fucks to give. (Shit! Hurry! Correct my grammar!).
IZ DIS KILLING U!?

couple more things

Nov. 23, 2010 – 9:39pm

"Studying abroad in the Netherlands next semester. You're jealous."

You meant to say envious, not jealous. you only use the term jealous when you're talking about friendships, relationships, or love.

What I’m doing with my life:
trying to become the modern day Elizabeth Báthory

No you're not. thats quite the obscure reference. i had to google that before i judged you.

I’m really good at
kicking life in the ass.

I hope but I'm not entirely sure you mean that as a metaphor.

The first things people usually notice about me
I'd like to say my eyes. But, then again, I do have a Kardashian ass.

yeah you're pretty good looking. enough so that no matter how crazy you are, guys will always tell you that you're smart and interesting to get in your pants.

The six things I could never do without
1. Coffee
2. Coffee
3. Friends
4. Burritos
5. Nutella
6. Coffee

the fact that coffee is up there twice before friends speaks volumes about you.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Robert Downey Jr.
He gives me a massive girl boner.

he will never fuck you. for two reasons: 1. He's famous. 2. you use phases like girl boner.

On a typical Friday night I am
acting like such a fucking lady. translation: getting drunk and arguing with people

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I would give up dick for the rest of my life if it meant I could be with Amanda Seyfried.

thats just not true.

You should message me if
Don't. Just don't.

...oh shit! sorry.